Suzie's Story

Summary

Suzie was pushed out of the decade-long job she loved when she became a mum...

Her work situation became very toxic and almost ended up in court. After a dark time, due to many factors, Suzie was left with chronic anxiety and postnatal depression.

But it didn’t hold her back and she believes motherhood has supercharged her career, giving her the confidence to pursue her passions and dreams in writing and photography.

Scroll down to read Suzie’s full story. It’s a real rollercoaster.

Suzie's story

I was running a company as a director when I got pregnant with our first baby. It was a small company owned by a father and son team. We had a music venue and a couple of restaurants.

I was really into my job. I loved running the music venue and working with musicians. But when I got pregnant, things started to shift. I think they worried that when I went on maternity leave things would be harder for them.

So they made it difficult for me.

When I returned to work as a mother my working life changed.

They showed less interest in me. I felt pushed out. I wonder if they assumed I wouldn’t prioritise my work.

I dropped my directorship, I kept my pay at the same level and did all the things I used to do but I just didn’t have the responsibility. I went down to two or three days a week.

When I got pregnant with my second baby, my boss' son was particularly awful to me, making nasty comments about my physical appearance. I felt depressed. They stopped including me in key things and I realised I couldn’t work in such a toxic environment. I went to the doctors and got signed off.

I couldn’t face going to work anymore and dealing with how horrible they were to me.

We had talks and I said If they wanted to make me redundant, I would go with a statutory package. They offered me under this and I said no.

I couldn’t believe it. I was giving them an out. In an ideal world, I wanted to have a job to go back to after having my baby, in a company that respected I was a mother. I’d been there for 10 years and worked tirelessly for them.

I saw a lawyer who told me I had a case for constructive dismissal and prejudice because I was protected in pregnancy.

My boss settled and the case never went to court. The experience was awful. They made my life difficult for a long time.

I decided I didn’t want to be employed anymore.

I’d been doing a bit of social media freelance so I set up my own business. This was 2010/11 when social media was a hard sell because it was so new. People didn’t think it would take off.

I also started writing for a local paper and running the music side of a community festival with some other mums. It grew from 500 to 10,000 people. It was a big achievement for us.

I was lucky because my husband was the main breadwinner. I had been in this role when we first met but he took over when we had kids.

I wanted to be there for the kids and steadily grow my business.

I teamed up with a couple of other people and we turned it into a limited company and pitched to a few middle-sized businesses. It didn’t really work because we were all busy with our own clients, working part-time, and someone needed to focus on the business full-time. I had to make the decision: do I go full-time or stay part-time?

I stayed part-time, we moved to the countryside and I gave up the business because I was pregnant again.

We lost our baby. I was left with chronic anxiety about a business that hadn't really worked, living in a town where I didn't know anyone.

The autumn and winter months were a dark time for me after losing our baby.

I didn't go out or do anything. When I started to emerge from the darkness, I set up a local online magazine and this became my route back to work, and to myself. I needed motivation to get out the house. It became a way of documenting memories with my family. It gave me opportunities to make friends, meet people, make contacts and get back into working life. And it really took off.

Off the back of it, I got offered a column in a local magazine and that led to all sorts of other writing opportunities.

I was invited to talk at a launch. I hadn't been out the house very much at that point. I certainly hadn’t done any public speaking and I was still having anxiety attacks so I had to take a beta-blocker before rocking up and meeting the head of the local council who informed me I was the keynote speaker. I had no idea. I thought to myself, ‘Why am I doing this?’ But it was fine. I actually enjoyed it.

I am always pushing myself out of my comfort zone, making things happen and I found, after I had kids, it was like I had a superpower. I felt I could achieve more.

Motherhood supercharged me.

I decided to be a writer and I got a column in a magazine. I decided to be a music writer and interviewed Joan Armatrading from The Stranglers. I had a radio show at one point. I love photography so I did an exhibition, published it in a book and found myself on billboards in my city centre.

I found early motherhood hard when I hardly slept. I think I had postnatal depression after my second baby. Maybe it's knowing that I got through all of that, carried little people and gave birth to them. You know, that's a superpower.

I now work 8am-4pm or 7.30am-3:30pm, which means I can spend time with the kids after school and cook dinner every night. It's only during the holidays that we struggle a bit for childcare. I’ve got my mum round the corner, so she comes and helps. If it starts to feel unmanageable, I slow down with my online magazine and freelance work, which I now fit around a part-time marketing job.

I'm lucky because my husband works from home. He does the bulk of the school runs, which is also nice because he's not very sociable and it’s transformed his social life.

I’ve discovered I need to have lots of things going on at the same time. I need inspiration and momentum. I need to be excited about what I do and not bored, otherwise I find myself looking for something else.

I am now considering doing a Masters so I can explore my passion for photography. I love collecting stories.

I think it's really important that the kids see that both my husband and I are doing interesting things.

It inspires them. 

One of my best moments was when my daughter walked around the corner in our local city where there was a giant billboard displaying my photography and said, “Wow mummy! I’m so proud of you. I want to be like you when I grow up".

My son took my book into school the other day and told me, “I'm really proud of you. You're one of my heroes".

I love seeing my daughter writing books of her own in her spare time.

My work might sometimes take me away from my children, but it gives them inspiration for what they can do with their lives.

I hope I'm setting a good example for them to dream big and make things happen. To follow their passions and interests because that's the most important thing. Most people have to work for a very long time, so it’s important to love what you do.