Susan's Story

Summary

After having twins, Susan tried to negotiate flexible working in a job she loved...

With new managers and structural organisation, the choice was laid out, she had to go back on a full-time basis, or not at all. 

But she fought. Then, after finally achieving part-time work, Susan was let go after years of dedicated hard work as a marketing director in this large corporate company.

Now she finds balance in freelance work.

Susan’s advice to parents in a similar situation is:

• Be open about how you’re feeling. I wish I’d admitted it was flipping hard. I also wish I hadn’t let it take over my life.
• Take responsibility for what you want, and accept there’s a trade-off. I knew, emotionally and physically, I couldn’t have done the full-time job I used to do and be a mum. I wanted to be the one that picked my twins up when they fell.

Read Susan’s full story below. It’s a tale of fighting for what your family needs.

Susan's Story

Before I had the twins, I worked as a marketing director in a large corporate company. I moved into a senior global role, which involved lots of travel. I went to some fantastic places. I was never at home for an entire week, and I loved the pressurised, glamorous lifestyle.

When I became pregnant, one of my first thoughts was how I would give up work for a year. I loved my job.

Becoming a mother

Being pregnant at all was a shock. It was even more of a shock when I found out it was twins.

I had absolutely no idea what it would be like having twins. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

My thoughts changed from wondering how I would stop working, to wondering how anyone ever goes back to work after having children.

Before maternity leave, I’d spoken to my line manager about returning on a flexible basis, and they said they’d be open to this.

So, after a year off and much discussion with my husband, I decided to go back part-time. I wanted the best of both worlds.

Fight for flexibility 

While I’d been on maternity leave, people had left, new managers had come in, and the organisation had changed structurally.

It was clear the organisation was no longer supportive of me returning on a flexible basis. The choice was laid out: I was going back on a full-time basis, or I wasn’t going back at all.

It was really hard to swallow.

It seemed to me they believed senior women couldn’t do the job, as well as be a mum.

It felt personal. It affected my confidence.

I was supported incredibly well by the charity Pregnant then Screwed. They helped me see it wasn’t about me; it was the fact I was female, the fact I’d had children, that the world isn’t set up the way it should be.

After a lengthy negotiation, I did return part-time, but my role was made redundant shortly afterwards.

The whole process had taken 18 months.

You can make your own mind up about whether that was planned or not.

I felt sad that all the effort I’d put into my career for all those years, seemed to be lost because I’d had children.

I was also relieved. It drew a line under something that had been hanging over me for so long.

What next? 

I was a new mum, struggling with twins; I didn’t know what I was doing.

My life had changed entirely. I’d gone from having a high-flying marketing role, travelling the world, to being at home with these two little people that depended upon me 100%.

When I went back to work, even just for a short while, I felt I had got part of me back.

The contrast was hard. There were entire days at home with the twins where I didn’t have a conversation with another adult.

I’d been relying on my job not only for financial reasons but also for my sanity.

I decided to go freelance

This decision coincided with the pandemic. I was forced to stop for six months and focus on the twins, who couldn’t go to nursery.

It didn’t feel like it at the time, but it was a gift. It couldn’t have come at a better time from a personal, family perspective. When things did settle, I felt ready and reinvigorated to go out and find work I wanted.

What I learnt

My advice to other parents in a similar situation to me, struggling to reach an arrangement with their employer, is to be open about how you’re feeling. I tried to put on a brave face, but it mattered desperately to me.

I felt angry towards the organisation. I felt they were taking my time away from my twins when I should have focused on them. I found it very hard, and I didn’t want to admit that I struggled with it. I wish I’d admitted it was flipping hard.

I also wish I hadn’t let it take over my life. I felt like I could influence the outcome. It almost became a crusade. But, sadly, with hindsight, I don’t think I was ever going to change anything.

Finding balance

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as a working mum is that you have to take responsibility for what you want, and accept there’s a trade-off.

I knew, emotionally and physically, I couldn’t have done the full-time job I used to do and be a mum. I wanted to be the one that picked my twins up when they fell over. Going through the stuff at work has made me incredibly grateful for that. I’ve got to the point where I can now accept that what I’m doing is good enough.

Despite the heartache at the time, it was the right decision for our family.